They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:  

 
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 
--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'

--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone
who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
-------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation. 
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs. 
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get. 
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So
ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.  Music will
follow.. 
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend
him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the
back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy. 
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up yours'

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Comment by Alexa on February 24, 2011 at 2:02pm
Glad you guys liked them too! they are still cracking me up!! :)
Comment by Patricia Ann Rice-Savage on February 23, 2011 at 2:03pm
Alexa, these are a stitch! Thanks for the chuckles. I sent these to a lot of friends who will get a kick out of them too.
Comment by Sarah Sunny on February 17, 2011 at 6:47pm
Haha..these are great! thanks it felt good to laugh!
Comment by Alexa on February 15, 2011 at 9:05pm

hee-hee-hee!!!!.. gotta say, these really crack me up!! (heh-heh)!!

:D

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May our hearts stay open
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