I'm hoping someone can help and I apologise in advance because although
I don't want to dwell on negatives, I need to find positive solutions.

This is the paradox that has blighted my 2010 thus far.
* The more I have faith, the more it is tested
* The more I try and use LoA & my gifts for good, the more I suffer harm, lonliness and misery
* The more I forgive and let go, the more others do that demand forgiveness

Several folk told me that 2010 was to be my lucky year, the year my dreams would nearly come true (implicit by 2011 they would have). I
thought way hay, at long last, and end to the 'stuff'. Well what keeps
happening is I get within in whisker of the miracle, a dream realised,
BUT it vanishes or is removed. Not only that, it takes passengers and
the dream out of reach, and everything feels emptier than before.

Friends and family are struggling too, some desperately so, and I hate that I
cannot help as much as I would like. Feeling their pain is just too
damned scary and intense, which makes me feel about as much use as a
chocloate fireguard. And melting away right now is quite appealing. Why
should I work so darn hard just to suffer more?

Friends keep telling me I am loved, but right now, well, I'm really struggling, yeah. I'm still breathing, have been known to smile, but would be very grateful of words of comfort and wisdom. Right now I need some pretty good reasons
not to throw in the towell and just go back to my old existence, the
old illusion.


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Comment by Marc {Rainbow's end} on July 29, 2010 at 9:48am
Dear all,

Firstly, thank you for taking the trouble to read, and also to comment.

I had been doing very well despite difficult circumstances. Two weeks in my old environment (one I went >>300 miles from 20 years ago), and I became a gibbering wreck. The energy there was so negative, and try as I might there was only so much I had the energy to do - espeically as I was unable to sleep well while there. It was exceptionally difficult being back where home used to be, and seeing the erosive effect that life had had on those there in the last 12 months. So much for a relaxing holiday. It was amazing how much my sprits started to lift heading north through the Lake District toward home. Now I'm home of course, I can see how well I've done, how much I have overcome. Breaking away back then was clearly the right thing, I hope and pray those I love have the courage to break away too, although I cannot base my peace or otherwise on their doing or not doing so.

The paradox does seem real, but maybe not as dark as it was painted while I was in the midst of chaos, and as you say velvet, will result from the negative beliefs and traumas of childhood (of which there were many, and of which some still lay buried yet to be remembered).

It is difficult, a separation after 18 years, and not one of my old friends (where I used to live) has called or emailed me to see how I am. I feel very let down, more so given that at this present time my need for support, empathy and love is greater than it would ordinarily be; and yet the resources have just not been available to help me get through this. This being marital breakdown, and forgiving and letting go of what happened to me as a child.

Thank goodness for Alexa and this network, and for you.

With love.
Comment by Marianne on July 28, 2010 at 5:52am
Another thought........are you placing TOO MUCH energy on outcomes? If so, please try to settle into the present moment and see the GOOD things in your life. Try to start by being grateful for that......once you are grateful, the door will open to what you want in life. Let the outcomes arrive in their own good time.

Comment by Marianne on July 28, 2010 at 5:29am
The only constant is change. This too shall pass. Perhaps if you try to see the negatives as positives, as gifts, as lessons. You are being tested; hang tight and you will pass these tests.

Be well and be kind to yourself.

Comment by firstlove on July 27, 2010 at 7:09pm
Hmmmm another thought...

Look at Earth Not only does Earth spin around at thousands of miles an hour, but Earth also rotates around the Sun.

And, the fact is that you DO manifest. Your thoughts continually spinning, continually rotating ... You manifest everything in your life.
That is the Law Of Attraction at work.
In other words You are getting what you have attracted.

There is, I think, a 'feeling' when you decide what you want, and it is what your heart wants [that's where your truth lies], and you let it go ... give it to the universe ... there is a feeling that accompanies that ... you actually don't need to think about it again .. you simply know that it will happen ...

I hear the Secret Naysayers going on about the secret being a hoax. They say it doesn't work, and guess what. - For them it doesn't work because they attracted "doesn't work" into their life and for them this is their reality just as you have attracted
* The more I have faith, the more it is tested
* The more I try and use LoA & my gifts for good, the more I suffer harm, lonliness and misery
* The more I forgive and let go, the more others do that demand forgiveness

You see how it works now?
Comment by dean meason on July 27, 2010 at 7:02pm
First things first. Hang in there pardner!
Comment by firstlove on July 27, 2010 at 6:57pm
Shall we hook you back up to the Matrix Rainbow?

Sometimes its easy to doubt the Law of Attraction, especially after you have put time and effort into cultivating your belief system and nothing seems to be working towards making your goal any more your reality than flying through the air. In fact, others seem to be getting your wishes and dreams while you visualize, meditate, think positive, work towards and all the other Law of Attraction techniques you are using seem to be failing.

This is when the soul gets weaker and the motivation starts to become weary. The “it’s not fair” or “this is all crap” thoughts start to creep in, creep in???? More like smash in at a hundred knots an hour.

But this is when we need to stay our strongest. To carry on in peace, using our tools and staying in the moment. Strengthening our belief and carrying on, no matter what the odds may seem.

My favourite quote is from Tom Hanks in Castaway – “I had to keep breathing, even though I had no reason to hope, and all my logic said that I would never see this place again. ... And, I kept breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring? ...”

So when in doubt, we need to keep breathing and keep believing and keep working towards, because one day you will look up and in bewilderment realise that it happened....

.... and up your efforts

A swan doesn’t doubt its beauty or where its next meal will come from, be a swan Rainbow, the most beautiful swan you can be..

Today I am having to ruffle my own feathers and remind myself to be a swan also

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