“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” ~ Michael Jordon

As we move through life, it is often true that we are trying to improve something about our life. Be it our home, our job, our knowledge, or some other part of our make up. It can feel so great when we finally let go of a repetitive pattern or recurring fear that has been causing us to stay stuck or go round in circles.

We all have expectations of ourselves and we live up to those expectations. We also have a tendency, at times, to try to live up to others’ expectations of us and make them our own goals to aim for. This isn’t necessarily “wrong”, but it isn’t always that helpful, especially if the expectation is that you will fail or not do well or, even worse I think, that you will never be able to change. That’s a phrase I hear quite often from people “he/she will never change”. Says who? A blog for another time perhaps, but suffice to say, we change every single second. We are not who we were 5 minutes ago, let alone 5 years ago!

But I digress. Expectations are what we live up to. Change the expectations and we can change our life. The down side of that, of course, is that sometimes the people around us don’t like the fact that we are changing. It unsettles their views of us and can, perhaps, make them think about changing some things about their own lives. Oooh too scary! This can culminate in rather attacking behaviour: “You’re not who I thought you were”, “Who do you think you are?”, and so on. This is not to say that others can be blamed for us being where we are – we all have a choice at the end of the day. Other people’s opinions and views can be helpful in terms of us taking a step back and viewing it from a number of different angles and perspectives. Only we will really know what is “right” for us at the time. By “right” I mean “feels right” for there is no right and wrong really: just different outcomes.

One of the things that can stop us from feeling good about changes we’ve made is fear about what other people will think of us. We don’t necessarily want to stand out in the crowd, or here’s a great one “get ideas above our station”! Ever heard someone say that?! “Who does he/she think he/she is?”! So when we’ve achieved something we can have a tendency not to tell some people around us for fear of what they might think and feel. Doesn’t matter that we feel brilliant and fantastic about what we’ve done. We downplay it and confirm to patterns that others expect of us so as not to upset the apple cart.

Can you really honestly say that you are not really pleased for a friend when he or she gets ahead? I think it can be one of the most wonderful things when someone you like and care about shares their joy with you. You get the benefit of celebrating with them. So when it comes to sharing your own achievements feel good about them, and feel good about feeling good! There’s nothing to be ashamed about when you’ve achieved something that’s really meaningful for you. Hell, you’ve worked really hard to get it, why shouldn’t you be happy?! I’m not saying ram it down people’s throats – joy and being over-proud are two different things.

It’s time to feel good about feeling good about all the things you’ve achieved so far in your life. Let go of shame, embarrassment, or guilt. They are all Ego-based emotions designed to keep you in a rut. As the song goes:

I am what I am, I am my own special creation,
So come take a look, give me the hook, or the ovation
It’s my world that I want to have a little pride in
My world, and it’s not a place I have to hide in
Life’s not worth a dam, Until I can say
I am what I am!

So, feel good, about feeling good! By doing so, you’re also helping others to do the same.

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Comment by Alun Jones on August 17, 2010 at 5:12pm
Thanks, Alexa! How fab that you were in the same graduating class! It's funny how those we love and share our lives with can sometimes feel threatened when we no longer conform to their expectations or stereotypes LOL All part of the fun though :D

Have a great week too :)
Comment by Alexa on August 17, 2010 at 1:27pm
hey Alun!!... you quoted Michael Jordan!, how cool is that?!! he was in my graduating class at UNC-Chapel Hill (yes, where he was already a true b-ball star!!) :D

and yes, when I began taking responsibility for my own life and path (and truth), ooh, boy-golly, my family did not like it at all. thanks for a great and affirming post. excellent!

have a great week Alun!!
Comment by Alun Jones on August 16, 2010 at 10:35am
Afternoon Marianne :-D It's funny isn't it - why we allow ourselves to stay put at times... still, the good thing is we move on again when we're ready to :)

So glad the blog helped, Sarah :) Now go shine that light of yours shamelessly and fearlessly
Blessings to you both
Alun :)
Comment by Sarah Sunny on August 16, 2010 at 9:01am
Thanks Alun...I needed to read this. Your post was perfectly on time...thanks!
Comment by Marianne on August 16, 2010 at 7:16am
Mornin' Alun:
Oh this is so very true! Sometimes I have to wonder why I remained in the 'negative place' for so long. But, at least I'm now out of it and my family and friends can feel the positive feelings in me, I'm sure. Thanks for this week's blog.

Love & Blessings,

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