Releasing and cleansing go hand in hand. When we physically cleanse, we emotionally cleanse as well. Moments of feeling deprived, having to adhere and feeling as if we are not free to do as we please when we eat can bring up alot in and of itself.
I have done healthy cleansing before. And I loved it. Really? Yes, I loved it. But it was when I was still pretty healthy. At least I felt healthy and well. So it was like, a fun journey and exploration of expanded consciousness.
Today, however, as I gear up and move into my next steps of detoxing from environmental toxins, specifically heavy metals, I am experiencing something much different.
To review, I was feeling the effects of environemental toxicity in general several years ago. Like many women in particular effected by the disregard for the Earth, the Feminine, with all of the environmental pollutants and disgrace, I like those many others was feeling the effects of a toxic world very directly and developed a (hyper)thyroid condition several years ago. Then, most recently, while recovering from the effects of a really bad medication, which may well have had heavy metal toxicity issues of its own, I discovered that we had a toxic exhaust leak in the home which really set me back.
I am feeling cranky, overwhelmed, though also somewhere, strangely somewhat hopeful. My challenge is that since I got off of a "safe little muscle relaxer" medication (not), that I took when I was going through a trauma memory healing and the thyroid crisis, I have been having a terrible reaction to supplements, herbs and even the new homeopic rememdies I am taking. So I am having difficulty getting some of nutrients, supports, and particulaly the chelation and minerals I could use for the cleansing, and I am having to go extremely
slowly, which it is more my style (and probably my Aries rising) to want to go directly, strongly, and just push through it and do it! and it is making me feel so angry. I'm even having the reaction with fresh juicing, all things I did readily before. It is so much more easy to cleanse when you're well.
And I am so angry I was told that this medication, that caused this horrible reaction to natural supplements, that caused me so much suffering that my brain is still reacting, still recovering, I am so angry that there were and still are docs out there who are saying this is a "safe little drug." I am angry they told that to me
When I was going through my emotional crisis, I was overtaken by it all, and I could barely function. I was really struggling to make it to work, and handle much of anything at all. But I refused any "meds" I thought of as being potentially unsafe in any way. I had been sensitive to meds before, even for heart palps. And I always did much better w/herbs, and other natural meds. However, they could not touch where I was at at this time. And I really did need some help.
I am most angry, however, at the first doc who prescibed that med to me. I told him adamantly that even though I needed help to function/work/etc while I was looking for the right course for this deeper healing, I did not want anything that could be unsafe. No A/Ds, no anxiety meds that could affect my healthy brain functioning, nothing like that. I adamatly said: I don't want anything heavy, med-wise, I won't take them. And he told me, well, this one is just a little muscle relaxer. It will help while you are moving through this, so I could function, work, etc. b/c at the time, I did not know what was even happening with me. Between the trauma memories coming out, and my thyroid going haywire. I felt: I have to trust someone. I have to give it a try.
But I felt uneasy somehow about it too. And so I found a new, holistic MD, who ironically had started the heavy metal testing with me at that time and was into holisitc healing as well, and even she told me to take this medication. That it was "a good little drug, you need to cover these symps, no wonder you're feeling all this. And this one is good. Don't worry about it." For the hyperthyroid symptoms alone.
Is this all water under the bridge? Well, it's still affecting me today. The fallout from that "safe little med". and that makes me A-N-G-R-Y.
No, I am not doing the victim thing. Am I? No. I am just plain angry. I am angry I am angy I am angry I am angry. And I intend to move through this, and continue my complete recovery from it all. And. I am still angry.
In any case, as I do this release work I am also moving into the next phase of food cleansing, what I hope will be a three month strictly whole foods cleanse. I may not be able to juice daily, as I am so craving, but for now, I can
juice at least once a week, so I will do that. I will focus on what I can do. I can also keep up w/excercise and QiGong, walking and fresh air, meditation/surrender, and committing to "vegging up" - increasing intake of fresh veggies as much as I can daily. This is going to be up and down and challenging I can tell. But as I begin, I also want to set this intention, to be as conscious and positively focused as I can be. And to be open to relief and feeling the forward progress in as little time as possible. So I can feel good about it. That is what I want to feel. Good about it.
I am committing to doing my best. I really want to be cleansed out from all of this.
In any case, that is where I am at today. And I came across this lovely article on healthy foods today too. So it looks like a good sign right now, actually. And I am going to remain open to good signs, support and messages from Source.
Today, God, help me with my challenges, serenity and Faith. Help me with this cleanse. So that I may be well, and vibrant, so that my body matches the vibrancy of my spirit, and I can move freely through and enjoy my totally blessed life. I have so much to be grateful for. And I deserve my perfect health and wholeness. May I be well, may I be peaceful, may I have Faith in my wellness returning, may I be totally healed.