Beyond the roles we danced with upon this earthen soil; beyond all personality aspects created to obscure and deny the brutal confusion housed within our family tribe, my heart is openly desiring to remember your true essence.
Loving gratitude can now stream from my heart to yours.
Thank you for being the physical womb that launched my soul into a blazing sea of contrasts; vibrant, radiant bliss intertwined with brutal, physical madness and chaotic diversity.
Since your passing, I've been yearning to tear down the walls that greatly detoured my spiritual eyes from seeing your soul's authentic radiance during our physical dance as mother and daughter.
In the stillness of this moment, in loving surrender, my mind consciously begins to align with the divine rhythm that safely surrounds the memories of our physical relationship; however brief that dance jointly decreed itself between us.
And my heart begins emotionally seeking familiarity found within the soulful agreement which consecrated us to share biological similarities in this land called time and space.
In my soul, I long to converse with the essential nature that flowed deep within - underneath the physical masks you crafted as a means to hide the intense, emotional helplessness your physical identity resisted to surrender and release during your brief sojourn here.
Flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone, my heart silently aches to recall some slivered recollection of our loving light's embrace that exists for eternity on the other side.
In gazing through the joint memories of our life together, am finding myself a silent partner towards identifying any divine transparency your soul surely desired to display upon your physical identity.
Am realizing how much I indulged our shadowed conversations, in the role of playing daughter, to greatly diminished any kind of conscious recollection of the purposeful intention that brought us together in the first place.
The lingering veils of long ago grief, birthed by gripping an illusion-ed desire to experience some ideal version of "what could have been", are now shifting into a new paradigm towards experiencing true inner peace and resolution.
It's wisdom softly shedding light upon the darkened corners of yesteryear; inviting my mind to accept it's truthful reflection. In this moment, embracing acceptance, am able to release my own, unconscious choices, that consistently denied opportunities to receive your sacredness that only desired to gift our highest potential.
And in opening this inner portal, my beloved soul shares moments where altruistic love fell silently unto the floor between us.
It’s been 12 years since you crossed over and in this early hour find myself awakened from deep sleep, lovingly gripped by this intense desire to consciously embrace your essential nature;
Silently I breathe in and out the memories of our life-stream together; memories that are swirling all around the air of this pre-dawning day.
My heart is pricked and filled with intense energy. Are you lingering close by, observing the tears effortlessly falling across my cheeks?
These tears graciously freeing my mind, heart, and body from the fragmented splinters that bound my consciousness to grievous non-disclosure of the truth and reality portrayed within our beloved story.
In letting them flow I am becoming more whole and complete in the role of being your daughter; regardless of the intense discord that danced between us in this lifetime.
Dearest mother, I soulfully love you and in surrendering my whole being unto the energies of eternal grace, this will be enough for now.
Your Daughter, Valerie
March 15, 2010