Searcher's Blog (19)

its in the post

Finally, my submission for the craft magazine is all finished. It feels so good to get it finally on its way. Soo good to be finally back doing something that I love. I slipped very easily back into creating something from start to finish, enjoyed thoroughly the feel of threads and fabric in my fingers, the excitement of watching each component of the design come to life, the losing myself in the gentle too-ing and fro-ing of the needle, the sitting down at the computer and writing out all the… Continue

Added by searcher on September 21, 2009 at 6:10pm — No Comments

Expired

Today a strange thing happened. I was up the mountain visiting a friend and decided to visit the library there and since all our shires have amalgamated you can use any library you like as its all computerised. Its in the lovely old school of arts building and has real atmosphere so I thought I would visit and see what they had. I chose my books and went to the desk to check my books out. The librarian swiped my card. Then she said "Oh, you have expired", she didn't say my card needed renewing,… Continue

Added by searcher on September 21, 2009 at 5:01am — 1 Comment

today ........

Today I feel strangely at peace with the world. I was going to try and please all people today, go to a garden show with a friend, go and help out in a friends shop, accept an invite out, I have to do this, I have to do that, I have to go there or here. so many things I needed to get done today.........



But then I thought, NO, i don't have to do any of these things. So I spent an enjoyable few hours pottering in my craft room working on a new design, I tidied up after myself and then… Continue

Added by searcher on September 19, 2009 at 12:38am — 1 Comment

Aug 27th

Today I had to see a pyschologist to see if I was ready to go out into the real world and get a job. I was doing fine until she asked "How are you mentally, how are you really doing" I really was fine, but the floodgates opened and no I was not fine. In her opinion I am not quite ready. This damm diabetes on top of everything else. I was in control (theres that control issue again) until it reared its ugly head.

Well I'm off for a spot of retail therapy tonight - late-night shopping, only… Continue

Added by searcher on August 27, 2009 at 1:25am — No Comments

control issues

Wow, the universe has given me another wake-up call.



I received a channelled message from a site I subscribe to where I was told I had in the past had control issues. One of my boys had said the same thing. Then I read Alun JOnes blog and all of a sudden it became clear.



Yes, I did try to control situations, I refused to ask for help when caring for my sick husband because well, if I was in control then things would be done right and also because it kept my mind busy. I… Continue

Added by searcher on August 25, 2009 at 6:00pm — 2 Comments

OOps

I had written a new blog post after Alexa had sent me a lovely message a few weeks ago. Obviously I did not hit submit.



Healthwise I am doing good, I could do with a bit more energy though. I am in a catch 22. I need to lose weight. If I lose wait the diabetes will get better. Can't lose weight cos the diabetes causes me to be tired all the time, no energy. Find it hard to exercise. Made a deal with the diabetes educator that I will lose 2 kgs a month. Not a lot but do-able. As usual… Continue

Added by searcher on August 24, 2009 at 5:41pm — No Comments

BLOGGING IT OUT - Surrounded by bricks

Okay, so I am diabetic, no biggie. It explains a lot. The heart palpitations and the light headedness and the spaced out feeling weren't my heart - just a hypo attack. Thats a big relief. Must remember to always eat brekkie and to carry some jelly beans around with me (thats no hardship LOL). Now I have to devise an eating plan for controling a)losing weight, b)blood pressure, c)high cholestrol, d) diabetes, e)heart health.



My diet is quite good at the moment but there are a few… Continue

Added by searcher on June 1, 2009 at 10:55pm — No Comments

BLOGGING IT OUT - I smashed that dam brick wall

Things are not as bad today, the pain killers worked wonders. Though I am not to keen being on them. I didn't take last nights one and woke early this morning with just the slightest twinge.



Thanks Alexa for your words.



The doc says I have slight athritis (? spelling) and a bit of muscle soreness and disc damage but nothing major and nothing to worry about just something I am going to have to watch - no heavy lifting and twisting at the same time. Lets hope on monday the… Continue

Added by searcher on May 29, 2009 at 3:41am — No Comments

BLOGGING IT OUT - another brick wall

I have been in so much pain the past few days. Something is wrong with my upper back, the docs don't know what is causing it, its not a typical back pain and its not in an area where they can say its a disc problem. It started as a dull ache occassionally just after my by-pass surgery, 20 months later it has developed overnight into a pain thats feels like red hot pokers beeing pushed through my back, it feels like something snapped. Had x-rays and blood tests this morning so hopefully the doc… Continue

Added by searcher on May 28, 2009 at 12:43am — 1 Comment

BLOGGING IT OUT - down in the dumps

I hate being like this. Though it is happening less and less and I know how to deal with it, it really p's me off.



I nearly went off the road this morning, the tears came from nowhere as I was driving into town.

Everything is toppling in on me. I just want to pack it all in - the new business, the house, etc etc.

I can't even remember if I took my tablets this morning. So many people want a piece of me, I have to go here, I have to do that, someone needs something, my head… Continue

Added by searcher on May 19, 2009 at 3:04am — No Comments

BLOGGING IT OUT - Hitting a Brick Wall

Well thats what it feels like. After a visit to the doc for the results of my cholestrol test I am not as revved up about life as I was. My cholestrol has gone up significantly enough for the doc to put me back on to the higher dose Lipitor and she told me that my blood sugars are sky high, with all the family history and the itching skin and aching legs and the need to go pee every five minutes the chances are quite high that I have diabetes. It would explain a lot of things though, things… Continue

Added by searcher on May 18, 2009 at 12:38am — 1 Comment

BLOGGIN IT OUT - Who fast forwarded my calendar

Is it really the 17th May already. I feel like I have been fast forwarded at warp speed.



Okay where do I begin. Was offered the chance to clean next doors holiday home after guests and prepare it for other guests. Not regular work but they've recommended me to others and theres the chance of more jobs out at the Lake. It'll pay for my bad habit. It was tiring at first, but I can work my own hours when I want.



Took the plunge and went in with my friend in her new business.… Continue

Added by searcher on May 17, 2009 at 1:16am — 1 Comment

BLOGGING IT OUT - 26/4/09

Yesterday I embroidered nearly all day, timing myself for different designs. Making myself have breaks, pottering in the garden and checking out the puter. Even though I slept well last night I was up and down going to the loo, my dreams were strange - people from my past flitting in and out and everything was like it was in an arthouse movie. Normally my dreams are clear, vibrant and very lucid, these dreams were, well - dreamlike.

Today feels like it will be a good day, the sky is blue… Continue

Added by searcher on April 25, 2009 at 6:30pm — No Comments

BLOGGING IT OUT (THE FEAR, THE WORRIES, EVERYTHING THATS HOLDING ME BACK)

Last week I was all fired up, energy high and I was ready for the off. Then I doubted myself. A friend has roped me in to start a small business up, this is a new friend and the old fears of trust crept back in. Being let down, letting them down. Doing something i don't really feel comfortable with because I don't want to let them down. Going against my truth. Could I use my health as an excuse not to do something, whoa that thought has gone quickly out of the window, my health is good, I feel… Continue

Added by searcher on April 24, 2009 at 6:25pm — 1 Comment

One small step

One small step each day....wow at this rate I'll be there in no time (where ever THERE is).



Yes Eric, it is hard to say no and I did become an emotional wreck because I always put myself forward to help - fear of what others might say if I didn't, fear of being thought a bad person if i didn't. At one stage I felt like i was a personal therapist to a few people.They emotionally drained me and physicaly I was a wreck because I was so tired trying to be all things to all people. I… Continue

Added by searcher on January 12, 2009 at 4:34pm — No Comments

Teeny, tiny step forward

Each day seems to bring new revelations about my self. I had the realisation why I don't get involved anymore. I don't join groups and I don't volunteer for anything. That way I can't let anyone down. I will help people out if they need and I can see they need help. In the past I went out of my way to help people, too much so, my family life suffered and so did my health. Now, Other than my family I don't like to have people rely on me. I have baggage from past lives that involves me feeling… Continue

Added by searcher on January 11, 2009 at 5:23pm — 1 Comment

another step forward

People, events, words, inspiration - all these have been put in my path recently. After events got on top of me and I allowed the emotions to take over - I had a realisation. A wonderful friend in the US sent me an email, in replying it opened up a realisation about grief. I have taken another step forward in healing. My own awakening spirituality is moving forward, my impatience had stopped it, rather than just being quiet with myself and just 'being' I had tried to force things, to rush them,… Continue

Added by searcher on January 9, 2009 at 6:13pm — No Comments

dawn of a new year

This past year I have been getting back on my feet after by-pass surgery, the year before was spent getting back on my feet after losing my beloved, the past 10 years were spent as a carer and just getting by. All the time I was learning things, gathering information, working slowly on my spirituality. Now in this new year that is soon to dawn I will be able to use all that I have learnt, use all the information I have been gathering. I can finally heal myself of all hurts, move forward at… Continue

Added by searcher on December 29, 2008 at 7:14pm — 1 Comment

anniversary

Today (1st December) is the 2nd anniversary of my beloveds passing. The phone did not stop ringing with reli's wanting to know how I was managing. They all thought I would be out doing stuff. What does one do at this sort of anniversay - hardly throw a party.

I listened to music we liked and pottered around the house, I spoke on the phone with my sister/friend and we laughed and had fun. A dear friend turned up with flowers and a card that said she was proud of me for getting this far and… Continue

Added by searcher on December 1, 2008 at 2:34am — 1 Comment

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